I took this photo at the Catherijne Convent in Utrecht, which is a museum in Utrecht specialized in midieval art and artifacts. It actually looks a bit like me, I realized just now.
Okay. What strikes me today, just now, is the conundrum I've allowed forth in my life the past years. It doesn't make sense to me at all anymore. There's no reason for it. With all of the possibilities I have. It's a total waste of creative energy to live in confusion. I'm constantly waiting for my life to begin, preventing the beginning myself by not starting anywhere. Or by starting and then putting everything to a halt.
Last night, or several nights ago, I got this image of myself laying in a bath full of congealed jello, a straw stuck in my mouth for air. The jello was green, in case you're wondering.
Tomorrow I'm turning a page. Instead of these whining entries, I'm going to actually DO something again. I'm going to start living and thinking and breathing again, rather than sitting crooked in an airless shell complaining about things. In fact, there's nothing stopping me from doing and writing all kinds of things. Nothing at all but imaginary walls. I've been putting them in front of myself for years, and it seems ridiculous just now when it's clear that I'm totally and utterly free. I am officially breaking free! :-)
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